34.39′, reads the gauge at the bridges of Natchez, today, where the Phatwater trundles along, a living sieve of silt, laden with riches, bolstering humanity in ways which gold and platinum are incapable of doing.  Get yourself some dirt, turn it, seed it, feed it, let God’s rain pour down upon it, and food will spring from it. Such bounty can only be eclipsed by the foul of renegade oil companies.

Not to sound like a hypocrite. I’m no saint. I’ve engaged in my share of carbon joyriding. I remember, back in the day, calling in airstrikes from F-4 Phantoms and A-4 Skyhawks, ignoring the state of  the planet.  I wasn’t concerned about the ecology of the Mojave at the time.  I was concerned about time-on-target, mixing 500 lb. H.E.s and Napalm in the same recipe.  Shake & Bake, danger close. It was pure joy to watch the desert erupt in showers of C-4 pulverized dust clouds and torn steel at a detonation velocity of 23,000 feet per second.  What a rush. Blowing things up is cool.  Especially when the taxpayer is footing the bill.

“I don’t make policy, Sarge.  I make jello.”

Lately, I’ve been wondering about that.  I’ve wondered about whether or not the nation’s military jello surplus could have been used in some way to stop the BP Deepwater Horizon leak.  I wonder if today’s fighting men and women are still being served jello, and if so, if they are also not eating it.  I’ve wondered a great deal about what became of past uneaten jello, or what becomes of the present uneaten jello, by the American fighting men and women (and transgender prospects currently in uniform, not asking and not telling).

I wonder whatever became of Corporal Osborne?  I wonder if, perhaps, he threw in the apron and decided to go to law school.  University of Wisconsin, maybe.  I wonder if he’s making policy now?  Or, maybe he’s still a chef, perhaps on an offshore oil rig, somewhere in the Gulf.  Where, if he is, he’s probably doing more good than those BP bastards.

On to something of greater importance.  We now have registration set up with Regatta Central.  I know there’s been a lot of back and forth on this, Regatta Central one moment, then Active.com the next, and then back to Regatta Central, and, y’all, it’s really boring, and tedious, and you don’t want to know the details, so let’s leave it at that.

And I know there are going to be some things to iron out, with Regatta Central, but they’ve been a pleasure to work with, so far, and we are intent on riding the wave with them.  So, if you get to the registration and are having any trouble, just call us or email us and we’ll help you along the way.  Because I know there are going to be issues.   The waiver, for example, on the Regatta Central site, CANNOT be used by Phatwater personnel.  Ours has to come through the ACA, and I’m working on that as soon as I finish this load of fish, but know now, good citizens and stewards of the planet, that as of Sunday, we will have online registration.  Just go to kayakmississippi.com and “get some”.

Call if you have problems.  We won’t put you on hold, and we won’t serve you jello.

(601) 431-1731, (601) 807-1216

All For Now-KB