Greetings for the new year, YAWL.  The Phatwater on the Natchez Gauge, today, is 43.91′, ten and a half feet above where it was this time last January 1st.  The weather is moderating here, although there is a significant freeze heading our way, so today’s the day to being paddling for our 2010 log.  How neatly it’s all come together.

As some of you have noted, we’ve been incommunicado for a few weeks.  Well, I admit, I was catching up on some reading.  I drank in a short mystery, old but good, by John D. McDonald, and was then treated to an extraordinary title, “Naming Nature”, about the history and future of taxonomy, by Carol Kaesook Yoon, through which I discovered my Umwelt is firmly intact.  Highly controversial, highly recommended.

I was next treated to an author with whom I was not acquainted, Pete Dexter, thanks to writer, Phatwater Veteran and Sub-IV paddler Joe Glickman-who steered me to Dexter’s latest work: Spooner.  I cannot remember reading anything so side-splittingly hilarious since Winston Groom’s Forrest Gump.  Buy this book and read it, that being the normal course of action.

Some things we hang onto from the past, some we don’t.  The Roffler Sculpture Kut, for example, was an idea whose time should never have come.  If you lived through the sixties, you may remember the Sculpture Kut.  It was a type of haircut inspired by a sadist, presumably named Roffler, which involved flailing away at the wetted tresses with alternate strokes of comb, followed by straight razor.  Carving the hair is what I likened it to, in the manner most recently seen in which small chain saws are employed to fashion bears, pelicans and catfish from tree trunks.

Books, with pages, and bindings, are an example of something from the past we will likely continue to hold on to.  At least I hope so.  My personal feeling is that the felling of trees and denuding of rainforests to keep live the traditions of literature will be with us for some time to come.  The so called “Kindle”, which can best be thought of as an electronic eyesore, will, in time, hopefully go the way of the Sculpture Kut.  I could be wrong, but I’ve seen the Kindle, and I’m not buying in.  How do you dog-ear a Kindle?

Other thoughts:  The following went out as a MississippiGreeting©, so for some of you this may bear a striking resemblance to that earlier epistle since, as I’ve said, they are one and the same.

It is with great pleasure, on this, the first of  January, 2010, that I announce the makings of a new MississippiGreetings favorite meal.  Many have a favorite meal, many have many such meals.  For some, a favorite meal can be made up of seaweed and sorghum. Others may opt for Oreo Crusted Deep Fried Prawns in Hollandaise Sauce.  So be it.

Among my new favorite meals is a breakfast burrito constructed and consumed in the following manner:  Take two large eggs, separating the yolks using whatever method is best suited to maximize the clear liquid with native pale streaks of goop we erroneously refer to as “egg whites”.  Whip up the clear liquid with native pale streaks of goop, referred to by some as “rooster jizm”, into a scrambled configuration in a pan with a little PAM, non-stick vegetable based cooking emulsion. While whipping and scrambling, place several strips of turkey “bacon” into a microwave oven on a setting of about 90 seconds and apply the juice.  Roll out two white flour tortilla shells, which also are not “white” in the strictest sense, and, once scrambled, dress the shells with the cooked “egg whites” which, by now, are more white in color than they are anything else, although they still are not technically “white” as in the definition given by Webster’s.

Crumble the turkey “bacon” into equal shares for each burrito.  Next, apply a healthy layer of Walter Harrison’s famous hot sauce, patent pending, then roll the two burritos into flutes and place on a plate.

The dish can now be eaten; however, it is the preference of the author to engage the fluted burritos thusly:  Lift one burrito and douse the open top end of the fluted burrito with a good dollop of Walter Harrison’s famous hot sauce, patent pending, then take a bite.  While holding the fluted burrito in one hand, continue as in the last step, for each bite, until the fluted burrito has been consumed.  Wipe the lips, chase with a swallow of investment cast, hollow ground Community Coffee.  By this point, a light glisten of perspiration should be making its way onto the surface of the forehead and cheeks, just below the lower eyelid.  Take another slash of investment cast, hollow ground Community Coffee, then proceed with the second burrito in a manner consistent with the consumption of the first.

Relax, and enjoy the game(s), secure in the knowledge you have made a good start of the new year, relatively guilt free.  Ladies, your thighs will never know what hit them.

P.S.  PAM® stands for: Product, Arthur Meyerhoff, its inventor.  Just thought you’d like to know.

Walter Harrison’s famous hot sauce is a secret, and is in limited supply, although the peppers, which are grown in the east confines of Adams County, Mississippi, are, fortunately, a recurring nightmare, so there should be some [Walter Harrison's famous hot sauce] available for sale, to the brave among you, at next year’s Phatwater, October 9th.

All For Now-KB